Tubby Tempest

By now, most people have heard and dismissed Jerry Falwell's group's lunatic rantings about one of the Teletubbies being homosexual. If you've somehow evaded that, stop reading now, and come back in a week. You probably don't want to know.

Coming up with the idea that one of the Teletubbies is gay is a reflection of a fear almost as bas as ... I was hoping for a nifty simile there, but there really isn't one to do it justice. It's impossible to overstate the insecurities of a group who are threatened by a six foot non- verbal beanbag. Using the idea to sell their magazines and get donations goes too far.

I've long held that conspiracy theories reflect more about the inventors than reality. Given the inherently asexual nature of the show, which is aimed at 2 year olds, the only question is whether to condemn Falwell's ilk for their hypersensitive homophobia or their ruthless exploitation of the fears of others.

This is one of the few times that homophobia is the lesser of two evils. If these people believe that there is such a broad conspiracy against their values that it has infiltrated this harmless children's entertainment, I can only pity them. They already live in Hell. My world has enough evil without ascribing satanic motives to Tinky Winky.

One of those evils is the unconscionable manipulation of these poor tubby-fearing wretches for personal gain. If Falwell's folks aren't such rabbits that they fear Laa Laa and Po, they are foxes in the henhouse of the ignorant. These people have enough trouble trying to live in the real world, the Moral Majority enabling their inferiority complex while picking their pockets is unconscionable.

There's enough fear and superstition without passing it on to the next generation while impoverishing their parents.